Holy Spirit-Led Coaching Tools

One of the most revealing moments in a coaching session isn’t always when a client is talking about their pain.

Sometimes it happens the moment you ask them to tell you something they appreciate about themselves. For the past forty minutes they’ve described every weakness, every disappointment, and every area where they feel they fall short. They can tell you why they struggle, why they feel stuck, and why they believe everyone else is doing better than they are. Then you ask a simple question.

“What is something you believe God has placed within you?”

The atmosphere changes. The client laughs, shrugs, changes the subject, or immediately begins talking about someone else. If you compliment a strength you’ve observed, they explain it away. If you point out evidence of growth, they quickly minimize it. They rarely say, “I’m afraid people will think I’m prideful.” Instead, they simply avoid letting anything positive remain in the conversation for very long.

As Christian coaches, those moments deserve our attention because they often tell us far more than the previous forty minutes ever could.

Is it pride, or the fear of being perceived as prideful?

I’ve come to believe that many believers aren’t struggling with pride nearly as often as they’re struggling with the fear of being perceived as prideful. Those are not the same thing. One exaggerates self. The other minimizes self. Yet both keep people from seeing themselves accurately.

What does Romans 12:3 teach coaches about calibration?

That is why Romans 12:3 has become such an important coaching verse for me. Paul doesn’t simply tell us not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought. He also tells us to think with sober judgment. I’ve often described sober judgment as calibration. A scale that adds twenty pounds isn’t accurate. A scale that subtracts twenty pounds isn’t accurate either. One overestimates. The other underestimates. Neither tells the truth.

The same thing happens in the way many believers think about themselves.

Some have become so concerned about appearing humble that they instinctively dismiss anything that reflects God’s workmanship in their lives. They can acknowledge what needs improvement, but they struggle to acknowledge what God has already developed. Somewhere along the way, they concluded that agreeing with God about their strengths sounded too much like promoting themselves.

Scripture paints a different picture.

Is agreeing with God about your strengths self-promotion?

Agreeing that you are God’s workmanship isn’t arrogance. It’s agreement. You’re not claiming credit for what He created. You’re recognizing what He has chosen to place within you.

What do you do when a client shrinks back?

As coaches, this changes the way we respond when a client shrinks back. Instead of quickly moving to the next question, we become curious about what just happened. What influenced that response? Why did they feel the need to minimize something that may very well be true? Those questions often uncover beliefs that have quietly shaped the way they see themselves for years.

What is the coach’s role in this moment?

Our role isn’t to convince clients they’re extraordinary. Our role is to help them think with sober judgment. Sometimes that means challenging inflated thinking. Other times it means helping someone stop underestimating what God has placed within them.

Calibration is the goal. We aren’t coaching clients to think more highly of themselves or more poorly of themselves. We’re helping them think with sober judgment by bringing their thoughts into agreement with what God says is true.

That’s one of the beautiful privileges of being a Holy Spirit-led Christian coach. We aren’t simply helping people feel better about themselves. We’re helping them see themselves more accurately through the truth of God’s Word. Sometimes that begins by helping them realize they don’t have to choose between humility and acknowledging God’s workmanship. Biblical humility has never required us to deny what God says is true.

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.